13 Bottles: A Short Story

A short story by Chris Haws.

All hands were waiting at the quayside.

Aaron, Andy, Craig, Davy, Derek and Eric.

Captain Henry Gordon Jr. was late, but that was okay because his father, Sir Henry Gordon, owned the fishing boat. Isaiah Jacobs didn’t turn up because he had the dreaded ‘lurgie’. He was told that if he didn’t turn up, he would be sacked, which he was, though at least he didn’t give the lurgie to his crew-mates.

Eric rolled his tobacco and smoked it. It’s silly to smoke tobacco, but it’s not the silliest thing that happens in this story.

Captain Gordon arrived as Eric was smoking his third cigarette.

“All hands on deck!”

All hands promptly scurried on deck.

“Rations in galley!”

All hands scurried off deck. Then they scurried back on, putting all the rations into the galley.

Whiskey, one tot per hand. Per day.

Cheese, two ounce per hand. Per day.

Biscuit, three per hand. Per day.

The reason the boat had been built, and the reason the men were on it, was that there were fish in the water. All of the men on the boat (apart from Henry Gordon) knew how to work the boat and knew how to catch fish. There was no fish to be had on board though – that was to be sold by Captain Gordon’s cousin. His great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grand-uncle was a fisherman called Henry. So Henry Gordon Jr. was entitled to all of the fish in the water off the coast. The same coast that all of his crew lived on.

The boat was well-equipped for a crew of fishermen. There were twelve bunks for the crew (as there were only six of them, they had more space. It was harder to pilot the boat, but at least its owner saved money) Captain Gordon slept in the cabin.

After one day at sea, the crew grumbled, “We’ve caught none Cap’n!”

“The water’s too calm lads,” he replied. The crew stayed fishing and sailing all day. At bedtime they were so tired they didn’t want or need their tot of Whiskey.

After two days the crew grumbled, “We’ve caught none again Cap’n!”

“The water’s too choppy lads,” he replied. The crew stayed fishing and sailing all day. At bedtime they were so tired they didn’t want or need their tot of Whiskey.

After three days, the water became much more choppy. In fact, it became so choppy that some of the crew were worried that the boat might capsize.

Craig had no official rank on board, but he could see that the ship was in trouble. More importantly, he could see that the crew were in trouble!

“We need to turn back Cap’n, or else we’ll go down!”

Captain Gordon knew the boat could go down. It was very choppy. However, he had locked himself in his cabin. He had locked himself in with the supply of Whiskey, cheese and biscuits.

After hours of the half-sized crew keeping the boat afloat, disaster struck!

The boat hit a rock. There should have been four lifeboats for four people each. Craig hammered on the Captain’s cabin to alert him to the danger. But there was no answer.

In anger, he charged down the door to find inside… nothing. But he saw out of the window the cowardly captain, running to the lifeboats.

“Cap’n!” shouted Craig. “You can’t row a lifeboat by yourself, wait for us!”

The captain couldn’t (or wouldn’t) hear the advice Craig shouted to him.

He lowered a lifeboat and jumped in with two oars, all twelve bottles of whiskey, no cheese and no biscuits.

Craig swore. His ma’ had raised him not to swear, but at this point in his life he found it most appropriate to say a really bad swear word. He said “feck”.

Thunder roared and lightning flashed all in the clouds over the tumultuous sea.

The boat was taking on water, it was sinking quickly. Craig had to take command, as he was the only hand with any common sense. There were supposed to be four lifeboats. There were actually just two. Captain Gordon had taken one for himself. It took two people at least to pilot it, but… he was the Captain.

The second lifeboat’s rope had perished. It had fell into the water somewhere between Gibraltar and Newfoundland.

The third lifeboat was in Portsmouth Harbour.

“There’s only one boat left, lads.”

David and Derek were listening and sprang into action. They got the boat down and clambered in. Eric finished smoking and went to join them.

Craig noticed that Aaron and Andy hadn’t got in. When he found them, they were arguing about who should get in first. Aaron said his name came first in the alphabet as it had two A’s (the first letter) Andy said his name came first as Aaron’s second A didn’t count, but N came before R in the alphabet, therefore putting himself first alphabetically.

Their argument became a fight quite quickly.

“Cut that out, we’ve no time for fighting!” yelled Craig, as he tried to get between the two brawlers. He got a smack for his troubles and hit the deck. He got up, rubbing his eye and called his crewmates back from the lifeboat.

Derek and Eric then took hold of Aaron’s arms and Craig and Davy got Andy’s. After they’d calmed down, Craig told them:

“The ship’s sinking! If youse don’t stop bickering we’ll all go down with it.”

Most of the crew went back down the ladder to man the lifeboat, Eric’s smoke was extinguished by a wave crashing over the side and he was told by Craig to get some cheese and biscuits. Aaron and Andy had resumed fighting. Andy thought he should get in second-to-last, as his name came first alphabetically. Aaron thought he should get in second-to-last, as he had two A’s at the start of his name.

By this time the ship was well and truly sinking. Craig and his other crewmates had to go.

“Youse!” shouted Craig “If yer not on in ten seconds, we’re going anyway!”

Craig, David, Derek and Eric then rowed the boat towards the shore, whilst the ship, Aaron and Andy all sank beneath the waves.

During the row to shore, they encountered Captain Gordon.

He wasn’t very good at rowing, he was in a boat that really needed two oarsmen and he had drank all of the Whiskey rations that the crew hadn’t used yesterday.

Craig directed the oarsmen on their boat towards poor Captain Gordon.

“Cap’n! Gis yer hand!” he shouted over the crashing waves.

One of his hands was clutching an oar, the other a bottle of whiskey.

“Have you stolen my cheese and biscuits? You bleeding ragamuffin!”

“Cap’n, we’ve got yer cheese an’ biscuits. Get yerself on our boat or else ye’ll drown! There’s enough cheese and biscuit for all of us!”

The boats drifted together. Captain Gordon reached out to the others.

”Gis yer hands cap’n!” Craig shouted above the noise of the breakers.

Captain Gordon stretched out his hands.

“Give me my cheese and biscuits you bastard!” were the last words of Henry Gordon as he capsized himself and sank to the bottom of the sea.

Eric finished his cigarette and crawled to the side of the lifeboat.

“Shall I dive in after ‘im Craig?”

“No, yer more likely to drown yourself!”

The next hour passed without words.

Craig, David, Derek and Eric rowed together with all their remaining strength.

Eventually they heard the welcome grinding thud of wood on wet sand.

“Feck,” said Craig, exhausted. The second time he’d sworn this night. “We made it lads…”

The crew sat down on the beach and Eric, after he finished smoking, realised… they had cheese and biscuits!

He made a fire of driftwood and they all sat round to a lovely supper of cheese and biscuits. There was enough for everyone and enough for breakfast, dinner and tea tomorrow.

Just after the cheese and biscuits were done with, a bottle washed ashore.

Did it have a message in?

No, it had Whiskey in! After everything they’d been through, Craig and the crew enjoyed sharing the whiskey with each other. Once the first bottle had gone, another washed up. Within a day, they ended up with eleven bottles. Towards midnight a twelfth arrived, held by the cold, wet hand of Captain Henry Gordon. It still contained a tot of Whiskey for each of the remaining crew-mates.

They saved it for when they would get back home, and would drink to the health (or death) of Captain Henry Gordon Jr.